1. What tasks have you completed recently?
This week I completed tests in chemistry and AP psychology. I also went to the dentist missing a pep assembly at school where everyone received a hundred dollars and a free coupon to meet Stan Lee and play put-put.
2. What have you learned recently?
In chemistry I learned about electrolytes and net ionic equations. I also learned that my jaw can not support wisdom teeth. The only good thing about that is I will get a very pleasant dosage of laughing gas. Another thing I learned is that I have very pleasant discussions with old men. That might sound weird but after every interaction I come out a little wiser and knowledgeable about life and how crazy women are.
3. What are you planning on doing next?
I plan to go to the Mayfield Cruces game later tonight, and when Mayfield wins i’m taking a victory streak around town. I also plan on doing all of those net ionic equations assigned as a punishment over the weekend.
My quote of the week:
Leslie Nielsen edition.
caution: a tad bit racy.
1. Rumack: You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.
2. Rumack: I won’t deceive you, Mr. Striker. We’re running out of time.
Ted Striker: Surely there must be something you can do.
Rumack: I’m doing everything I can…and stop calling me Shirley!
3. Lt. Frank Drebin: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Frank: No, the worst.
4. Frank: I’m single! I love being single! I haven’t had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Frank: [to everybody] I mean at the time I was dating a lot.
5. Dr. Kohlzak: [at a Sperm Bank and Fertility Clinic, unbeknownst to Frank, who’s faking an old football injury] When did you first notice the problem?
Frank: In the backyard, with my uncle.
Dr. Kohlzak: In the backyard… with your uncle?
Frank: Yes, when he comes over we like to go out in the backyard and throw it around for a while.
Dr. Kohlzak: And what did you and your uncle find out?
Frank: Oh, I can’t keep up with him, mine hurt especially on the long ones. I can’t seem to straighten it out, it has no feeling, it’s… it’s kind of numb. I may have yanked it too much, maybe.
Dr. Kohlzak: [hands him a cup and opens a door to another room] If you would.
Frank: For what?
Dr. Kohlzak: A sperm count.
Frank: In here?
Dr. Kohlzak: Well, it’s not exactly the backyard, but it’ll do.